Why I’m Going To Continue Shitting On Pinegrove Even Though I Actually Like Them Now

 

I first heard Pinegrove late last year and found it boring as all hell. That’s fine, I thought nothing more of it. Then I listened to them again in March and I started liking Pinegrove after months of denying it. I started really liking it. I managed to successfully infiltrate a few meetings of our friend group with the illusion of ‘Pinegrove are fucking shit m8’ and they bought it, but it’s becoming harder and harder to avoid singing along to the jangly lyrics of ‘Cadmium’ when we put a playlist on in the background whilst playing Xbox. I, like many others around me, have fallen into the toxic trap of Pinegrove, an actual good Indie band (how dare you call Pinegrove indie, Alex. And yeah that’s right I can edit your posts because I’m the only admin, bitch) who serve as the missing link between emo bands such as Modern Baseball and actual shit Indie like Mac DeMarco. The problem isn’t stopping the normies from invading our culture, it’s about stopping our kids from escaping our elitist ‘alternative’ shit and turning to the chino-wearing, red-stripe-sipping, fifteen-ear-piercings dark side.

All my slightly alternative-listening friends are falling down the slippery slope, and Pinegrove are to blame. Who can say no to that guitar tone in ‘Old Friends’? No one, that’s who. Pinegrove are creeping into the ears of our alternative generation and turning them into normies.

The guy who puts all the flannel music on this blog’s playlist is George, and Pinegrove was his favourite album of 2016. What was tied for George’s favourite album of 2015? Hop Along. What’s his favourite of 2017 so far? (Sandy) Alex G. You see what’s happening? He’s turning into the poster boy for Run For Cover Records. What happens next? He keeps absorbing all the Indie emo. He sucks up Adventures, Turnover and Citizen. But there’s not enough of this shit to satisfy his appetite for wet talk-singing over acoustic guitar and a hundred cymbal hits a minute. At some point all the good emo bands will have gone on hiatus because their lead singers had anxiety attacks, so where will George turn after that? That’s right. Normie Indie. He already likes Father John Misty. He laughs at Mac DeMarco now but when Mac helps him through his Run For Cover breakup they’ll be best friends. And then comes the rest. His flannel shirt will change from the black and red of us alternative elitists to the lemon of the normie. Where will it stop? I can’t say for certain but all my intel suggests Ariel Pink, Catfish, and finally *shudders* Cabbage.

I have to keep abusing Pinegrove. This isn’t a choice but a necessity. I need to keep my friends in check to avoid losing them to T in the Park and UK Craft Cider Festival. Its becoming harder and harder to be an elitist when bands like Modern Baseball are so fucking good. Pinegrove is polluting my friend group. George liked Pinegrove. Then the rest liked Pinegrove. I like Pinegrove. I like Pinegrove. Am I becoming a normie? I hate everything. I’m going to go listen to ‘Old Friends’ three times now and then go back to my metal records and forget this whole horrid ordeal.

(If anyone wants to check Pinegrove, this song is an absolute madness. Fuck Pinegrove. Indie trash. Fucking great Indie trash.)

Editor’s note: The views of Alex Jones are not representative of Laser Falcon as a whole. I love you, Evan. I don’t actually own a flannel shirt but I’ll definitely buy one now.

 

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